More than one in three young Danish women aged 18–24 report having experienced sexual violence or coercion, while a sizeable minority fantasise about dominance and pain but are afraid to try it—creating a fraught landscape where consent, equality and experimentation collide.
The headline-grabbing claim that “dominant sex is also equality” came from a Danish sexologist this week. But buried in Denmark’s most comprehensive sexual health survey is a starker reality. In the SEXUS study from 2017–2018, conducted by Statens Serum Institut and Aalborg University, 36.5 percent of women aged 18 to 24 reported at least one experience of sexual violence or coercion. Among men in the same age group, the figure was 12.3 percent.
That three-to-one gap sits uncomfortably alongside another finding. According to the SEXUS report, nearly 20 percent of all respondents said they fantasised about dominant sexual behaviour, including slapping, hair-pulling and choking, but never acted on it. Only 10 percent reported actually trying it. The distance between desire and action suggests fear or uncertainty, not just restraint.
Why the Numbers Matter Now
Denmark reformed its rape law in 2021 to a consent-based definition. Sex without consent is now rape, even without violence or threats. That legal shift reshaped how Danes think about boundaries in all sexual encounters, including consensual BDSM.
For the 62,000 people who answered the SEXUS survey, questions about dominant behaviour and sexual violence sat in separate chapters. The study treats them as distinct phenomena. But real life blurs the line. Some legal scholars have argued that normalising violent sexual imagery can make it harder for young people to distinguish consent from coercion, particularly given Denmark’s high exposure to pornography.
The Consent Problem in Practice
Some women’s shelter organisations have raised concerns that perpetrators may invoke “hard sex” as context when injuries appear in assault cases. Youth counsellors have noted anecdotally that some teenagers feel pressured to accept choking or slapping as a perceived norm. A qualitative study by the Danish Center for Research on Youth reported that rough sex is increasingly mentioned by young people as a normative part of sexual encounters, often without prior discussion of boundaries.
The SEXUS report itself defines dominant behaviour as acts that occur “as part of a mutually desired sexual interaction.” That distinction is crucial. Yet in a country where young women experience sexual violence at around three times the rate of young men, the gap between theory and lived reality is wide.
Denmark prides itself on gender equality. But the data suggest equality in the bedroom remains elusive. According to National Police figures, reported rapes rose from 1,392 in 2020 to 2,110 in 2021, a rise of roughly 51 percent. Whether that rise reflects more crime or more reporting remains unclear, with both the Ministry of Justice and NGOs acknowledging the uncertainty.
What Internationals Need to Know
For expats living in Denmark, no dedicated official English-language guidance explains how consent law intersects with consensual BDSM. International residents often navigate these norms through peer networks or university organisations rather than state guidance, which may increase the risk of misunderstandings for those from countries with different legal standards.
BDSM organisations and some lawyers recommend explicit pre-encounter conversations, agreed limits, and sometimes written or message-based confirmations. Under Danish law, as set out in Straffeloven section 216, consent must be present throughout and can be withdrawn at any moment. Continuing after withdrawal can constitute rape, regardless of prior agreements.
Where to Get Help
Anyone who feels a sexual encounter was non-consensual can contact police, hospital emergency departments, or one of Denmark’s rape crisis centres. These offer medical care, evidence collection and psychological support free of charge, regardless of nationality or residence status. Specialised centres at Rigshospitalet, Odense and Aarhus operate 24 hours a day, and staff typically speak English.
According to Statistics Denmark, roughly 16 to 17 percent of people aged 18 to 34 have non-Western origin. That means a substantial minority navigating Danish sexual culture are immigrants or descendants. Yet the SEXUS survey offers no breakdown of dominant practices by nationality or migration background. For expat readers, that absence may be noteworthy.
The Messy Reality
Denmark’s self-image as sexually liberal coexists with persistent problems around sexual violence, especially among young women. Some EU-level research on youth sexuality suggests that porn-influenced practices like choking have become more common among young adults, often without being labelled BDSM, though precise EU-wide figures remain contested.
The sexologist’s claim that dominance can coexist with equality may hold true when consent is clear, communication is strong, and power can be revoked. But in a cohort where more than one in three young women report sexual coercion, framing “hard sex” as inherently egalitarian risks glossing over the structural imbalances that shape who gets to say yes, who feels safe saying no, and who fears the consequences either way.
