After 35 years of working with children and families, Danish psychologist says that modern parents often hesitate to set boundaries, creating challenges for children’s development. She argues that kids are not as fragile as we might think and calls for a return to clear, compassionate parenting.
Parents Must Reclaim Their Role as Guides
According to Danish child psychologist Gitte Haag, who has counseled children and families for over three decades, today’s parenting climate has shifted noticeably. She sees a growing number of parents is struggling to assert authority or set boundaries, often out of fear of being too strict or harming their children emotionally.
Haag emphasizes that parenting is not a military operation but rather a developmental guide for children. When parents hesitate to say “no” or avoid addressing unwanted behavior, children can miss out on the interpersonal tools they need to thrive—such as patience, empathy, emotional regulation, and cooperation.
The Danish psychologist has seen firsthand how children today may struggle more to handle boredom, tolerate unfairness, or function effectively in group settings than previous generations. She points to these difficulties as key indicators that modern parenting approaches may need recalibration.
Modern Parenting Avoids Conflict—To a Fault
Haag recalls a personal experience during a vacation in Spain that exemplified the trend. While seeking peace in a remote countryside rental home, she found herself disturbed by children from a neighboring house shouting loudly late at night. When she approached the father to ask if he could ask the children to quiet down, he responded that he doesn’t discipline while on vacation.
This experience illustrates how some parents may now avoid issuing corrections or setting ground rules in the name of maintaining harmony or relaxation, even though we often see it having the opposite effect. But according to Haag, such avoidance can rob children of essential lessons about boundaries, self-control, and mutual respect.
Professionals Partly to Blame, Says Psychologist
Haag believes the trend toward more permissive parenting is partly the result of expert advice itself. She admits that child psychologists and parenting books have for years promoted ideals that, while well-intentioned, have made many parents uncertain or anxious about how to handle parenting decisions.
Parents now often fear making the wrong move—worried they might harm their child’s development by being too strict or causing emotional distress. This has led, in her experience, to an increase in parents backing down during everyday conflicts, such as bedtime routines or household responsibilities like cleaning up.
Haag encourages parents to challenge their uncertainties by focusing more on what their children still need to learn rather than on whether they are being too harsh.
Children Are More Resilient Than We Think
A central and hopeful message in Haag’s perspective is that it is almost never too late to help children mature emotionally and socially. Scientific research supports her claim: children’s brains continue developing until around age 23, offering a long window for learning and change.
The Danish psychologist urges parents to start with small, consistent steps. For example, setting family values—like helping each other, speaking respectfully, or picking up after oneself—and then gently, but firmly, reinforcing these values over time.
She notes that repeating expectations hundreds or even thousands of times is entirely normal—and often necessary—but emphasizes that the effort is well worth it. When children understand boundaries and expectations, it ultimately benefits their ability to form friendships, cooperate in group settings, and manage life’s setbacks.
Conversation Needed on How We Raise Children
Haag’s comments have sparked national attention in Denmark, after appearing in major outlets such as newspaper Jyllands-Posten and on the TV program Aftenshowet. She hopes to broaden the discussion, not just about discipline, but about what kind of citizens and members of society we want our children to become.
In Denmark, the growing conversation mirrors broader European concerns about the consequences of raising children in permissive environments. Studies show that structure and boundaries, when combined with warmth and support, lead to better educational and emotional outcomes.
In Denmark alone, over 39% of children aged 11 report feeling stressed weekly, while more than 30% of parents say they often feel uncertain in their parenting role. These figures reflect an urgent need to revisit what healthy, confident parenting looks like in today’s world.
Haag’s call-to-action is not about returning to authoritarian parenting, but about empowering parents to guide, support, and set reasonable expectations—all while recognizing that children are more sturdy and capable of learning than many of us believe.
