A new Danish parenting book, “Brugermanual til dit barn”, explains child rearing for 0 to 5 year olds using computer language such as wifi, open tabs and low battery.
According to reporting by DR on September 12, the book is written by psychotherapist Dorte Rudi Andersen and co-author Niels Rahr. Rahr rewrote terms from pedagogy and psychology into technological concepts, while Andersen handled the professional content.
The book follows the principle connect, understand, convey. Speaking on the DR P1 program K-Live, Andersen said a child who melts down is signaling that it cannot manage the situation. As she put it, the adult has to turn down their own volume and find a shared frequency.
Rahr told DR that the technological language is operative, because it tells a parent what to do in a given situation. He acknowledged that using the words manual and child together can feel controversial.
The two authors met in the same mothers’ group. Rahr described becoming a father as overwhelming, and said he asked Andersen many questions about neuroaffective attachment theory, mentalization and the prefrontal cortex. When his daughter cried, he said, the theories disappeared from his mind.
The turning point came when Andersen explained the importance of creating a connection with the child. Rahr compared it to not being able to get online without switching on the wifi. That analogy grew into the book.
The publisher, Forlaget Momenta, states that the book is scheduled for release on September 17, 2026. The publisher describes it as the book the authors themselves missed when they became parents.
Per Forlaget Momenta, the book translates developmental psychology, pedagogical theory and neurobiology into everyday computer terms such as low battery, too many open tabs, system error, overload and restart. The publisher says the book rests on the Nordic view of children.
A researcher questions the comparison
Grethe Kragh-Müller, lektor emerita at DPU, said on K-Live that she would not begin by comparing a child to a computer. She noted that a computer has no feelings and only produces what is put into it. She stressed that she has not read the book closely.
Kragh-Müller added that the image of the child as an active processor of the surrounding world, and as an emotional individual, is what she misses in such a comparison. Her comments were made in the same P1 broadcast as the authors.
Andersen responded that the book never says the child is a computer. As she stated, the comparison applies to the contact between parent and child, and the message is that everything comes down to relationships. Andersen holds a cand.mag. degree, a master’s in organizational psychology, and works as a psychotherapist.
Rahr said the authors have not invented new psychological or pedagogical theories, but build on existing research. He said the knowledge needed a better user interface so he could turn it into action.
