Talking about death remains difficult for many Danes, despite around 55,000 people dying each year in the country. Experts suggest that addressing mortality through simple conversations over coffee and practical planning can ease the burden on both the dying and those left behind.
Death Remains a Difficult Topic for Danes
Around 55,000 Danes die every year on average, and more than 220,000 people lose someone close to them annually. Despite these numbers, Danes find it hard to address death, according to Preben Engelbrekt, director of The National Center for Grief.
One major reason is that people are living longer. Medical advances allow people to survive with life-threatening illnesses for extended periods, pushing death further away from everyday awareness. As a result, death becomes something held at arm’s length rather than accepted as a natural part of life.
Engelbrekt encounters many grieving individuals who discover that their loved ones never expressed their final wishes. He believes addressing mortality earlier relieves pressure on those left behind. When death becomes part of natural conversation, it loses some of its emotional weight.
Starting With Practical Matters
Beginning with concrete details makes the conversation more manageable. Engelbrekt suggests discussing simple preferences first, such as whether someone prefers burial or cremation, or what clothing they would like to wear.
These practical questions open the door to deeper conversations without overwhelming anyone. Surprisingly, tackling logistics first often makes emotional discussions easier later.
According to The National Center for Grief, up to 7 out of 10 bereaved people experience their social circles withdrawing after a loss. Having clear plans and documented wishes can help families navigate grief more smoothly during an already difficult time.
Healthcare Providers Notice the Silence
Charlotte Clante works as a hospice chaplain at Deaconess Foundation’s hospice in Frederiksberg and organizes retreats for the grieving. She frequently encounters people who believe talking about death somehow invites it to happen sooner.
This belief keeps many from having important conversations. Clante emphasizes that death does not arrive faster because people discuss it. Instead, she stands with relatives on the hospice who express regret about never learning what their deceased loved one wanted.
Healthcare professionals in Denmark increasingly recognize the importance of end-of-life conversations. Clante believes sitting down over wine or coffee to discuss death should be normalized, though not necessarily a daily topic.
The Balance Between Acknowledging and Living
Annette Hedensted serves as hospital chaplain at Gødstrup Regional Hospital and lead emergency chaplain in the Church of Denmark’s Disaster Preparedness. She takes a slightly different approach, focusing conversations on life rather than death itself.
Hedensted encourages patients to discuss what makes a good life for them personally. After addressing mortality, she advises people to set those thoughts aside and focus on living fully and creating meaningful moments.
She worries that excessive focus on death can activate the fear of dying that exists in everyone. According to Hedensted, there is value in the natural human tendency to avoid constantly thinking about mortality.
Practical Steps for Starting the Conversation
Hedensted offers straightforward advice for those ready to address their mortality. Simply start. Find the courage to begin by asking yourself what constitutes a good life and what you hope to accomplish before reaching life’s final boundary.
Finding the right conversation partner matters. She recommends starting with a friend before approaching close family members who might struggle more because of their deep love and attachment.
Interestingly, humor can serve as an effective tool for easing into difficult discussions about death. A lighter touch sometimes makes the topic more accessible without diminishing its importance.
Setting Aside Fear Without Forgetting
The key message from these experts centers on balance. Acknowledging death’s inevitability helps both the dying and the bereaved, but dwelling on mortality constantly serves no purpose.
Hedensted reminds people that the most important focus remains on the days when we are alive. Preparing for death through practical planning and honest conversation creates freedom to live more fully.
For relatives dealing with grief, knowing a loved one’s wishes provides comfort during overwhelming times. Instead of making difficult decisions while emotionally devastated, families can honor clearly expressed preferences.
Making Death Part of Natural Conversation
The National Center for Grief advocates for normalizing death in Danish culture. When people regularly discuss mortality as part of life, it becomes less frightening and more manageable.
This cultural shift requires individuals to take small steps. Having one conversation, writing down preferences, or simply acknowledging that death will eventually come creates ripples that affect entire families and communities.
Media coverage of death often sensationalizes or overemphasizes mortality, according to Hedensted. A more balanced approach integrates awareness of death without letting it dominate thoughts or conversations.
Eventually, experts hope Denmark will develop a healthier relationship with mortality. This means finding space between complete denial and excessive preoccupation, allowing death to exist as a natural endpoint while celebrating the life that precedes it.
Sources and References
The Danish Dream: Danish Healthcare Explained for Tourists & Expats
The Danish Dream: Best Therapists in Denmark for Foreigners
DR: Det er svært at tale om døden – sådan bliver det nemmere
